My Latest Wrinkle

When I was young I wondered.....

• What if I had never married?
• What if I had married someone else?
• What if I remained free?

Now that I am older I wonder.....

• What if he was gone?

The joy I feel when he smiles at me transcends all that is mortal. It feeds my soul. Honestly if he was gone, I don't think that the sun would ever shine so brightly. I am not certain that I could breathe.

So, when I received the call that his cystology test had shown signs of cancer......disbelief! After all, we had just gone through the yearly cystoscopy. Doc said that everything looked great....See ya next year.

When you have experienced cancer you put it in a little box.....a little box that need only be opened when necessary. For us after these twenty some years, it has become an annual event. We have become quite good at it over the years. The anguish invested in opening and closing the box has grown shorter with each year of benign results. But, this time the box was opened off schedule, without warning and couldn't be closed at our will.

We had to leave it open for the paperwork, the admit exam, the admit tests and the bladder mapping.....and then the wait for the results. Seven weeks of jabs and stabs at our hearts... Seven weeks of wondering will he see his grandchild grow... Seven weeks of wondering how this could change our lives.

I waited alone in the hospital filling my mind with positive thoughts, breathing, praying that all would end well. Then Doc came out. She said that we would have to wait for the results, but everything looked good. She hadn't been able to detect any cancerous tissue visually. The original test could have been skewed. Hooray! A week later the results returned benign!......So, back in the box it went.

I sealed that box as tightly as I could and placed it as far back on the shelf as I could reach. I say to myself, no worries........not to worry unless there is something to worry about.

But, somewhere deep down in the pit of my stomach I feel the haunting emptiness of the question.....What if???

Lunch Break

I was feeling a little down today, for no good reason I might add. I pondered how to present my latest wrinkle, but I couldn't find the creative energy to compile a cohesive piece. Feeling scattered I wondered if it mattered. So I gobbled down my turkey chili and logged onto Blogger.

I went straight to Wendy's' Among Mad People and read the header "Monday List Love and holy crap someone gave me an award!" I cheered! I do that for Wendy because she is a wonderful writer that I love to turn to for some quality entertainment. She sure beats watching the markets crash and the politicians berate each other. When I tune into Wendy I feel good about the precious time I invested. The return is always profitable.

So I read on and was surprised to find that Wendy had tagged me with the Kreativ Blogger Award. Who'd a thunk it? Lunch never being long enough I headed back to my desk feeling a little better 'cause maybe it did matter...just a little :)

*Here are the award rules:
List 7 things that you love and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers you love!
Be sure to tag them and let them know they have won!
You can copy the picture of the award and put it on your sideboard
letting the whole world know.....
you are KREATIV!

Seven Things I Love

(It was hard to pick just 7!)

1) Coffee by the fire with Wil

2) Stories about the good old days preferably from the oldest person I can befriend

3) Cocktails at sunset on the bow of the boat

4) Watching and feeling the little peanut move inside my daughters' pregnant belly

5) Photography 24/7/365

6) Campfires and the friends that gather around them

7) Meals because the best conversations are when people are full and happy

Passing it on to Seven fabulous bloggers

(If you have already been tagged, too bad. I want people to know how wonderful you are anyway!)

1) Invest some time with Wendy at Among Mad People http://www.wendy93639.com/

You won't be sorry.

2) Invest some money in Robin Collins at Sneaking Out at Midnight http://fourcrows.wordpress.com/

Her art is beautiful and needs many homes.

3) Estizer Smith at http://estizer50.wordpress.com/

She is a good friend who is tracing her history back to 'Bloody Lowndes' County Alabama. She is currently showing her latest photo exhibit at the Banana Factory in Bethlehem, PA. She has also authored a book titled Welcome Home. Her photos and words will move you.

4) Roxi at Roxi's 365 http://roxis365.blogspot.com/ for her stick-to-it-ness. A photo a day for 1 year.

5) Sandy at Family Recipes http://familyrecipecollection.blogspot.com/ for her tempting recipes.

6) Katie at http://kkhoffmanillustration.blogspot.com/ for her beautiful illustrations.

So, I stop at 6. You should know that I don't always follow the rules. Although this entry also seems a bit off course for the quest, it's not. It is about women supporting women. We rule wrinkles and all!